Navigating Life When You Can’t Find Anyone Who Shares Your Show

People often soar to greater heights in life when they are able to expand, as Stephen Covey aptly puts it, their circle of influence.

But what if the problem is that you find yourself all alone, with no point of reference to determine whether or not you’re in your right mind? This predicament is usually resolved when you stumble upon someone who has either gone through or is presently experiencing the same kind of journey, possessing a similar worldview.

My life hasn’t been easy since childhood, especially in terms of finding people who understand or can relate to my experiences and circumstances. Throughout my life, I’ve had one, maybe two, individuals I can relate to quite well. Still, finding someone who can fully relate remains a challenge.

When you’re different and introverted, it often falls upon you to initiate interactions. Otherwise, you risk being seen as weird or unapproachable, despite having your unique outlook on life. The challenge amplifies when your life circumstances and experiences greatly differ from those around you.

For me, being alone has been profoundly healing and uplifting. Interactions with people have generally drained me. The exception is when I meet new people, as they often bring in fresh information. However, this energy is short-lived. After meeting or knowing them briefly, the connection starts to fade once I realize they can’t fully grasp what I’m saying. In most cases, it’s quite draining, especially when most of what I hear doesn’t excite me anymore or when the other person bombards me with numerous questions or a desire to learn everything I know. This sort of one-sided exchange or emptiness further depletes my energy.

Around such individuals, I’ve noticed I appear weak and disinterested.

I’ve been living this way for quite some time. The situation worsened after a near-death experience transformed me into a new person, further alienating me from most people in my life.

What adds an extra layer of difficulty is when you’ve undergone a transformation, and those around you continue to associate you with values and traits they perceive as belonging to you. People from your old life are generally unable to accept if the entire you has changed. Finding individuals who can genuinely embrace the “new” version of you, without carrying lingering expectations that parts of you remain unchanged, is an extraordinary rarity — almost like stumbling upon a gem hidden amidst the ordinary stones.

It’s a real challenge to be different. It’s even more challenging to very very different. Every time I believe I’ve found individuals who truly understand and can relate, it doesn’t take long to realize they can’t fully grasp or relate, prompting me to end conversations or minimize connections before they drain me completely. People often nod and listen, feigning comprehension, or they hastily form judgments based on their limited knowledge as they attempt to grasp my words. Despite appreciating their efforts, it’s disheartening to recognize their inability to fully understand, with no possibility of bridging that gap.

The most challenging instances are when they inform me they’ve undergone the same experiences, but in recounting their stories, they unwittingly highlight their failure to grasp the essence of my experiences.

Dealing with this can be genuinely frustrating, and the situation exacerbates when they begin sharing their untrue version of your experiences with others.

In most cases, I remain quiet or mutter whatever comes to mind just to be socially present. The truth is, I’ve never encountered anyone who can fully and completely understand my worldview or who has undergone all the experiences I have. It’s not about playing the victim; it’s simply a reality that most people I meet have faced only a fraction of the challenges in life. Consequently, they struggle to fathom complex issues or process information that requires consideration from multiple perspectives.

For certain individuals, upon reading this, they might respond with, “If others can’t comprehend you, it’s indicative of a communication issue.” However, that’s not a blanket truth. This assertion oversimplifies the complexity of human connection. Communication isn’t solely about clarity of words; it’s about resonating on a deeper level. Even the most eloquent words might fall flat if the shared wavelength of understanding isn’t present. It’s like attempting to convey the beauty of a sunrise to someone who’s never experienced sight. The challenge isn’t the delivery — it’s the unique vantage points and experiences that shape our capacity to grasp the intricate layers of someone else’s existence.

To “worsen” matters, my worldview has expanded rapidly over the past two years, particularly following the COVID-19 pandemic.

During the pandemic, societal divisions prompted me to seek resonance within specific groups. However, after engaging in conversations with many individuals, I found that I couldn’t truly resonate with any single group. Both seemed flawed by fear, greed, ignorance and insecurity. This realization dawned on me as people I looked up to began to reveal their fallacies. It was as if I’d been granted new eyes, allowing me to perceive aspects previously hidden from view.

Despite this expanded worldview, I still struggle to find someone I can openly converse with about my life, someone who truly comprehends and resonates. Regardless of their efforts, it seems impossible to bridge the gap and be on the same wavelength. Most interactions drain me as I continuously had to tune in and adapt to different frequencies.

This is why I’ve grown fond of my one-on-one coaching sessions. They offer a focused hour where I can utilize my expertise and skills, free from the drain of social conversations.

Engaging with others during these sessions rejuvenates me, as I listen to their stories, gather information, provide insights and solutions, and witness them leaving the session with clearer auras after clearing entities and trauma energies.

In recent times, however, I’ve formulated my own theory based on personal experience. If I am to cultivate meaningful and uplifting social connections, I need to seek out individuals who possess not just one but all of the following attributes:

• A genius-level intellect — individuals who might not have undergone the exact same circumstances as me but possess the mental acumen to process intricate, abstract information due to their advanced cognitive abilities and extensive reading. While this may come across as boastful, it’s a reality I’ve encountered only once or twice in my lifetime, during distinct life phases.
• An exceptional sense of compassion — individuals who not only grasp my intricate worldview and life experiences but also offer insights into areas where I require support, even when I’m oblivious to those needs. These deep, meaningful conversations uplift me. Unfortunately, most individuals are content where they are, lacking the motivation to create or learn.
• A comparable level of consciousness or slightly higher — a level that allows them to provide value and engage in extensive discussions about subjects that currently captivate my interest, as opposed to topics I was interested in previously but have since moved on from. Often, individuals struggle to fully comprehend the content of our conversations when they first learn about me and my interests. Consequently, I find myself dedicating a significant amount of time to answering questions that wouldn’t require addressing if the other person possessed a genius-level intellect. It’s important to emphasize that this isn’t about diminishing anyone’s intellect, but rather proposing a logical solution to a genuine issue. I, too, don’t resonate well with individuals whose level of consciousness significantly surpasses mine. Therefore, I strive to be pragmatic and connect with those who share a similar or slightly elevated level of awareness.

I’ve encountered a diverse array of individuals, ranging from “victims” to millionaires, encompassing various walks of life. However, most appear indistinguishable to me, with the exception of those who embody the three attributes mentioned above.

These three attributes are what resonate with my unique situation. Here’s a guideline for you: if you’re struggling to find people who resonate with you, take a moment to introspect. Consider those around you at this very moment — identify what saps your energy and who uplifts you.

However, here’s the key: when specific individuals drain your energy and you realize they don’t need your uplifting, it’s time to step away. On the flip side, if you’re surrounded by folks who uplift you, it’s vital to reciprocate positively. Otherwise, you risk becoming a source of negativity for them. This is why the third aspect above is crucial — seek out those with a similar energy level. It’s wise to connect with people whose energy aligns closely with yours. If their energy is significantly higher or lower, it can disrupt your equilibrium. There’s no need to dwell on relationships that drain you, nor should you put people on a pedestal if their energy doesn’t mesh well with yours.

I recall an encounter with a cleaning auntie who struck up a conversation with me. At the end of our brief exchange, she shared a simple yet profound truth:

“In life, you don’t need so many friends. Only one friend is enough.”

She was right.

Navigating a life where relatable souls are scarce can be challenging, yet the pursuit of profound connections is undeniably worth it. Through such connections, we find understanding, growth, and the upliftment we crave.